Germaphobia Singapura (An Annoying Short Story) Read online

it was his filth; his pile dirty clothes on the floor, his microscopic flecks of skin floating in the air, his bottles of urine stashed under the bed.

  He ate his chicken rice with disposable chopsticks and afterwards tied the container up in a plastic bag with a double knot to keep out the cockroaches. He knew they were waiting, patiently lurking in the dark recesses of his room for the cover of night.

  As usual, Roy quickly fell asleep and slept fitfully until the buzz of his handphone awoke him to yet another long teaching day. After the bathroom ritual, Roy left the flat for his morning commute, glancing briefly at Sylvia’s firm buttocks as she bent over to make her bed.

  He was on the train, listening to music and traveling towards the city center when his attention was drawn to a pretty Chinese woman dressed in a black business suit standing beside him. She had a long ponytail with an ivory clip holding her silken hair away from her porcelain smooth skin. Roy watched her intently, aware that she probably sensed his bold stare. The train stopped and she disembarked leaving a space that was soon filled by an overweight teenager in blue jeans and red flip-flops who immediately began to scratch the back of both his nasal cavities with an index finger and forefinger, a double-barreled search for mucal gold.

  Roy tried to move away but the train was too full, packed with silent and obedient employees on their way to their white collar cubicles.

  He gagged as the teenager continued mining both cavities, making small hurried noises of urgency as he dug. No one in the train took notice of the spectacle, as performing bodily hygiene tasks, usually reserved for the privacy of one’s bathroom, such as nose picking or nail clipping or zit squeezing seemed to be as common on the public transport system as instant messaging and Sudoku. And while this offensive social behavior was nothing new to Roy as he had been living in Singapore for over six months, this little scene, this tiny incident was the last straw … even if he didn’t know it yet.

  At his stop, Roy jumped out the door of the train and bounded up the escalator, pushing aside inconsiderate commuters blocking the right side of the moving stairs and hence impeding his ascent.

  The double digits of the teen continued to dig holes into his deepest thoughts.

  Roy’s teaching that day was sporadic and fraught with erroneous grammar advice. He couldn’t seem to shake the image of the index and forefinger plugged into that pimply nose. Roy knew that he couldn’t mention the incident to his colleagues as they knew of his condition and rolled their eyes whenever he pulled out his sanitizing lotion from his desk and began to furiously rub the germ-killer into his hands.

  The day wound down and eventually turned into evening as Roy ended his last class with a speaking exercise involving plastic dominoes and the passive tense. By the time class was finished, he felt that he had pulled himself together and was back in top form teaching the class like the excellent teacher he believed he was. But apparently one of the overachieving rich little spoiled nerds he was teaching had a different impression. As he was about to leave the teacher’s room, Roy’s boss, the Academic Coordinator asked him to come for a private meeting in his office. According to his boss, Roy had made one too many mistakes and the informing student had threatened to withdraw from the school and take his parent’s money to enroll elsewhere, as he expected teaching perfection in return for the private school’s outrageous fees. Roy was dressed down and warned to pull it together. His boss even handed him an English grammar book to brush up on that night, a final humiliation to a long and tiring teaching day.

  Roy skulked down to the MRT station, the morning’s double picker and the grammar book weighing heavily on his mind. He boarded the packed train and noticed that the pretty Chinese woman he had seen that morning was again standing beside him. He felt drawn to her and wished he had something to say, but he was too timid and unsure of himself to be so forward. He watched her out of the corner of his eye while the train stopped at each station towards the end of the purple line. She was holding one of the dangling handles above, her other hand on a strap of her oversized designer handbag. Roy saw her hand hesitantly let go of the bag’s strap and slowly rise up towards her face, her nose. Flashbacks of the double picker consumed Roy’s thoughts as he watched her index finger begin to stretch towards her delicate nostril.

  He couldn’t take it.

  Roy reached out and grabbed hold of the young woman’s wrist.

  Perhaps it was the crazed look in his eye or that he refused to let go after she tried to pull away again and again, but the girl began to scream, “See Ang Moh molest me! See Ang Moh molest me!” at the top of her lungs.

  All of the train’s passengers near Roy and the girl created a wide berth around them, none of them aggressive enough to help the girl but all watching with the attention of spectators at an Esplanade show. A Malay man whispered for help into the train’s emergency intercom system.

  Finally, Roy let go and the girl was still screaming, “See Ang Moh molest me!” pushed her way through the crowd away from Roy, who was looking at his offending hand and wishing for his bottle of sanitizer.

  The train arrived at the next stop.

  Four armed police boarded with tasers in hand and lead him out of the station and into an armored van. Police are rarely seen in Singapore, but when they are called the response is swift and the citizens fearful.

  At the police station, Roy’s prints and photo were taken, his employment pass copied and his backpack searched.

  The police confiscated the English grammar book as evidence.

  Justice is swift in Singapore.

  He was sent before the magistrate early the next morning. Since he refused to pay the outrageous fees for a useless criminal attorney, he stood before the judge alone. The judge was a middle-aged woman in a white wig reminiscent of an English court. He could tell by the look in her eye that she was sharp and wise, which was true, she had a keen eye for justice and international affairs. Knowing that she needed to appease a public enticed by the sensational incident of an Ang Moh molester, she had to convict him and give him a stiff sentence. But since all the perpetrator had done was grab the female victim’s wrist, she knew the international press would condemn a heavy sentence for such a minor incident. Roy was convicted of insulting the modesty of a woman and sentenced to seven months in jail. However, in lieu of the sentence, the judge ordered that Roy be put on a plane that night and sent back to his own country, banished from Singapore forever.

  Surprisingly, Roy felt relieved as he flew away from his isolated Singapore life and his now broken two-year teaching contract. He didn’t have enough money to start graduate school, but at least he didn’t have to read that damned English grammar book again or witness the constant public grooming, which was adversely affecting his mental health.

  He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

  The plane was three-quarters of the way to Japan and soon he would be over the Pacific on his way back to the states.

  Roy was drifting off to sleep when he felt that familiar sensation again, you know the one, that uncomfortable feeling when someone is intensely staring at you…

  The End.

  Works by B.M. Hodges

  Horror

  Zombie Fever 1: Origins

  Tomas decides to spend the summer with his father, who works as a security guard for

  Vitura Pharmaceuticals. Soon after his arrival, his father disappears without a trace.

  Tomas searches for his father, only to discover Vitura is more than it seems to be.

  Zombie Fever 2: Outbreak

  A young woman is cast in a reality TV show. Zombies are running rampant.

  The contestants race cars deep in the Zombie Quarantine Zone.

  Who will become infected with zombie fever?

  Who gets eaten by the zombie horde?

  And most importantly, who wins the million dollar prize?

  Zombie Fever 3: Evolution

  In less than twenty-four hours, the Zombie Fever v
irus has mutated and is out of control.

  Vitura has sent Jayden to hunt down Tomas and Abigail and bring them back, dead or alive.

  Tomas must find Abigail and get to her to safety.

  Only they can stop the virus from becoming a global killer.

  Science Fiction

  The Martian Escape Plan

  After leading a failed effort to colonize the Planet Earth,

  Darius Janner thinks he’s finally found a way home.

  Dystopian Rodent Literature

  Buddy the Rat

  An innocent rodent subjected to fickle fate.

  Sent to a house filled with the worst of humanity.

  Escaping and finding solace in a forbidden love.

  Yet peace will not be had. Onward he travels...

  Short Stories

  Germaphobia Singapura (An Annoying Short Story)

  Roy had always dreamed of living abroad in the tropics, somewhere remote and exotic.

  So accepting the offer to teach in Singapore was a no-brainer.

  But poor Roy failed to anticipate how living in one of the world's most

  densely populated cities would arouse his intuitive preoccupation with cleanliness.

  Naively Irrelevant (A Bitterly Short Story)

  An ode to the anguish and bitterness of infidelity.

  About the Author

  B.M. Hodges studied in the United States and Singapore where he was awarded a Master's Degree in Literary